TW: suicidal, abandonment
Ok so I started this blog because the past two weeks have be HELL. I turned myself into the hospital because I was about to kill myself. I was put into an outpatient program and got connected with a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with BPD and possibly Bipolar (we ran out of time) so I’ll find out for my last meeting this Thursday. It finally sunk into my head that my dream that I have wanted since I was 6, was shattered and broken because of my mental illnesses. Someone who I have known since first grade and though would be my friend forever left without explaining what exactly I did to make them completely cut me off. I got called unstable, aggressive and possessive by people I thought I was chill with. My ex GF broke my heart and left, because I took too much of a toll on her own mental health. There was a lot of family issues going down. I got assaulted which triggered everything all over again and made me relapse into what I was in the beginning of these things happening right when I started to get better.
BUT on a positive note, I made new friends and connected to new people. I realized that being alone gave me time to focus on myself. I found the help I needed through meds, DBT and therapy. I’ve discovered new things from self reflection that I dont like and will fix.
Anyway basically even if life is dark as hell, there is always (ok sometimes) a little light if you look hard enough.