Life is sh*t. Its hard. You cannot stop what happens to you most of the time. You spend 18 years in the cushy world of high school, which yes has it’s own hardships, but not compared to what happens after High School. After high school you are given two main choices. Start working and make a life for yourself, or go to college and be successful. Both these paths hold their own hardships.

I chose the get a job path. So far it has been a mix of fantastic freedom, but also crushing defeat. It has been so unfulfilling recently. Go to work to pay the bills that you need to live but you don’t get to enjoy any of it because your so tired from working. It’s one big cycle. Yes you can get enjoyment, but it’s hard to find a job you truly find enjoyment from in life much less out of high school. On my days off I get much needed sleep or do chores around the house.

Even though my life right now is horrible, I have hope. It is what is getting through it all right now. It was so hard when I was at my lowest (without hope), but now it is a little bit better because I have regained my hopeful nature. I have hope that I will overcome BPD and be able to manage it. I have hope to get an apprenticeship in the future. I hope that I will find someone who can stay with me and be a friend can deal with and understand all my ups and downs. I hope that in the future I will get to be with the one I love. I hope that I will get over all my bad habits and quirks. I hope to meet Helena Bonham Carter. That one may be a bit hard to happen but eh…

What is life without hope? Dark and Dismal. However if you have hope, thier is always a little bit of light within your grasp. While it is utterly crushing to have those hopes broken and not attained, it ok! Keep moving forward, and make new goals and have new hopes! Don’t glance back at failed hopes, look ahead!

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